And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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