Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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