I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize