u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
