Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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