he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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