he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
