I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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