You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
