i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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