I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
