I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
