the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
