ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
