My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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