Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
