I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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