I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
