All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
