i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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