Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
