i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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