It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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