Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
