I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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