My nipple is on Facebook.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
