I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
