he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
