I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This toilet bowl is my home.
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