I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
