Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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