Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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