he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
