i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
