I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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