the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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