WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
