Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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