You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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