i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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