i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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