i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
