It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
