omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
