you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
