i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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