Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
