Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
