And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
