and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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