I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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