then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I touched a dick in church today
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