I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize