i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
