i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
