The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
