Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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