As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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