The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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