Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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