Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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