I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
