why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
