Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
