my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think my mom watched the whole time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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