Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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