my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
