It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
