Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize