When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
