how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
