btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
