He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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