Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize