I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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