Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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