If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
