i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
